It was not the mailman! It was some dude asking if I was the homeowner. I said no, and quickly lied saying the homeowner was at work so I wouldn't have to answer any stupid questions about home repair. He still asked "do you know what the homeowner has in mind for the next project on the house?" I said "no, it's NOT MY HOUSE." Then he mentioned how they paint (as he's looking critically at my shutters), and that they're painting my neighbor's house and how he can give me a special or whatever. I said "um, just leave your number and I'll pass it along, thanks."
So as he's writing down information, he asks
Dude: So, how was your weekend?
Me: Fine thanks, how was yours? (Why did I ask? Common courtesy, damn it all to hell!)
Dude: Oh good, good. I went to my nephew's birthday party!
Me: (thinking: WTF?) Oh, that's nice.
Dude: Yeah, it was great, my nephew, he's getting old...
Me: Um, how old is he?
Dude: 8! Just turned 8.
Me: Oh, he's young. Cute. Okay, well, thanks for this number...!
Dude: Do you have any kids?
Me: What? Oh---no.
Dude: WHY NOT!?
Me: (thinking: ?!) Um, I just don't have kids?
Dude: But you're going to have them someday, right?
Me: Um...someday I guess...?
Dude: Okay good. You married?
Dude: You with somebody?
Me: Yes...well, thanks again for this number!
It was one of the most bizarre 30 second conversations I've ever had while sober. My sister said "you should've started crying and said you are infertile!" She had a million ideas of what I could have said for a laugh, but I can never come up with snappy retaliatory remarks that quickly, and I never want to be rude. I should practice being more rude to strangers who knock on my door and ask me why I don't have kids. I wasn't offended or anything, but I do wonder what possesses people to ask stupid things of complete strangers. Was it an offer? Like, if I said I wanted kids and was single, would he make a donation of sperm? I don't accept sperm from guys with stupid mustaches and oversized sunglasses! HAHAHA, that nondescript description makes him sound like a total lurking pervert. He wasn't; he was some late 20's Mexican kid, so that mustache wasn't creepy on him like it would be on a white guy. Heh.
Oh, and this just in from the "weird stuff" department: some odd white car was following me on my way home tonight, without its lights, even down the offbeat alley streets I took in an attempt to see whether he was following me, or whether my imagination was working overtime. I thought it was strange, so I drove along and made this BAD ASS turn so sharp you could slice concrete like hot butter with it. The car was forced into going straight, and I felt like the lovechild of James Bond and Indiana Jones (it's my fantasy, so I can be the product of 2 men if I want), it was so cool. Well, it was spooky at first, but then it got cool when I realized I "gave him the slip." Of course, it could have just been a simple coincidence; I'm not going to run around telling people I was involved in some car chase or anything. It just amused me, even though it probably wasn't an attempt to kidnap me or something. =)
I've been having lots of sex dreams lately. And they're lucid, so it's extra special awesome. I get to have massive dream-gasms (orgasms that visit you while sleeping!), and I don't have to wash up afterward! SCORE.